Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize