That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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