shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
