U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
