dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
