Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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