This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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