Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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