i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
