He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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