Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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