i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
