Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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