1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
