spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
