god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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