does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
