eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
