a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize