piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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