Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
