Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize