Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
