i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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