Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
