The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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