you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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