dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Found the puke drawer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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