I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
