my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize