oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
