I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
