You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
