How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
