Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
