the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
zippers are such a cool invention
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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