saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize