Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
