im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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