Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
