Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
