I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
