Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
