Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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