Do you still have your period?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
