batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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