mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
