I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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