you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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