he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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