4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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