Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
