that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
