Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
