I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
