didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
