pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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