Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
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