guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
