i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
