i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
