The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
