And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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