im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
