Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize