It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
