God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
