I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
