You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
