Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
