We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
