Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This baby is an asshole
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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