oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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