:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need to calm my uterus...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
