I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
